Just one more - only once more? NO!!!!! NO!!!!! NO!!!! 1001 times. That is not difficult to understand it means STOP! Not once more, not one more time. No more! Stop using and abusing my soul. I did not consent. I did not give it to you. You do not have that right. I do not want to live inside the life you want to create for me because you want to imagine you could live my life than better than I do. I can not exist there because your manifestation of reality can not accommodate me, and instead only obstructs and limits my reality where pure spirit needs to exist unfettered. I will not consent to being held hostage in your realty. You do not have the right to create your heaven with my hell as its foundation.
Does this ring true with you, make sense to you? If it does then you are likely to be really tired of this tedious "embrace your dark side" advice, after your life has been fully illuminated and you are actually able to recognize the problem of other folks dark sides invading your life - even in some cases recognizing the folks to whom those dark sides belong.
Do not misunderstand! “Embrace your dark side!“ is excellent advice. If you are ready to tackle your own dark side and/or need to be able to put into words of understanding what you are dealing with in your life, or need to know because people in your life are going through it in their lives, then you need to heed the call of those who know about embracing the dark side. Once you have done the processing work, its presence provides comfort. But let's not get the cart before the horse because there is a long way to go after starting the journey.
My life was fully illuminated long, long ago more than once as a child by the time I was 12. And I gradually learned to do the work of processing my dark side. That is something that we all do to some extent by simply growing into our own lives. I went through what, in retrospect, feels like it must have been an initiation which required me, all by my lonesome, to inventory and process all that was within my dark side - tossing out the fragments of unrealized manifestations. Identifying those fragments was a matter of relegating to the trash heap all the obstructions and limits that interfered with reaching full illumination, again, all on my own - beyond only "the grace of God" (some would say) which had been providing illumination, with a little help from my friends before I was 20, then having reached a point in life where I knew I must take primary responsibility for the process, myself. Once one does that work it is possible to maintain the dark side as the potential it is so that it rests easy and is life giving rather than being life damaging; so that it is possible to manage the dark side in real time when it needs attention. It is a call that must be responded to immediately - or as soon as possible IF and ONLY IF there is nothing more vital to life which needs attention.
Does it sound like the dark side is a demanding spoiled child? Well, if you neglect it, it certainly is experienced in that way. And if you are abusive to it because of neglect, it certainly is experienced in a much worse way when it has fully grown into a pathological, sadistic, masochistic, Machiavellian narcissistic experience that personifies evil. I am not exaggerating. It happens. And I have experienced the damage that is done by those to whom that has happened.
To be fully realized in life we all have a need to illuminate our lives by clearing out all the fragments of unmet potential within our dark sides, so that we are able to maintain it in real time. That means we then need to deal with these fragments immediately as they occur, which are associated with issues we are aware of and keep account of, so we can prevent the fragments of obstructed unmet potential from accumulating in the dark side. Only you can do it. No one else can do it for you. Recognize that you owe it to the people in your life, if not yourself, to make life easier for yourselves and everyone else by clearing out and processing the dark side if you have not yet done so; by keeping up constantly with real-time dark side housekeeping.
Before I continue I want to make it clear that I am using understandable existent terminology which is used to communicate about these issue. It is in no way some sort of “hidden agenda” associated with skin color and everyone knows that, of course, except rabble-rousing trouble makers with evil agendas whose dark sides have become fully grown narcissistic problems to all, not only themselves.
Consider the universe. Fact is that mass only becomes condensed matter by originating and consolidating in the dark side. All in existence which is not pure unfettered uncontained energy of light is potential mass - energy in its most quiet state - like that which fills our well maintained dark sides. Even so that energy is actively popping into and out of infinitesimal mass, sometime coalescing into stable particles. Our dark sides are similar. Some particles collect and coalesce as disconnected fragments of trash which we need to process and remove from the dark side of our lives so they do not interfere with our potential to manifest what we need in life. And the fact is that until and unless we clean it up and clear it out, we can not maintain our lives properly and prevent them from becoming a trash heap which makes our dark sides a problem for us and other people, too.
When we do not do the work and instead allow our lives to become a trash heap, then it also attracts the trash of others as well. So too illuminated lives attract the light of others. We all exist as light and dark. We need to know how to understand both, and how to manage what we can, and when to give free reign as needed. That means knowing oneself well.
Done well, learning to know oneself does not become a narcissistic endeavor like narcissistic abusers want to convince you and everyone else that it is. It is your duty and obligation and the reason you are living - the journey that is yours and only yours to take - with the companionship you need, when you need it. Rumi conveys the obligation to oneself and everyone else that it is: "I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God."
Your dark side is there so you can create your own path in life. Learn to use your dark side and light side complementarily as they are meant to be used. In fact they cannot be fully functional one without the other. It is our work in life to learn how to achieve this balance at any given point in time.
The only problem any of us I have with the dark side in life once we have cleared our own space of all the fragments of efforts to manifest which were obstructed and limited and did not come to fruition, is when people try to superimpose their own fragmented dark sides onto our lives. We actually do recognize this effort as foreign and do not accept it. We don't need it, we don't want it. It is not our responsibility.
Yes, you can do it without professional assistance. And when you do, either because you prefer to, or because no professionals with the needed skills were available when you were at that point in your life, then you develop those skills yourself or die trying. Note that a lot of people have died trying. It is not a fools errand. In fact it actually can be a life and death battle. Ask anyone who has been addicted if you do not understand, or anyone who has experienced relentless post partum depression for that matter which is very much like unmet addiction. When you maintain your own dark side properly, instead of employing crisis management which only recognizes when it is past time to handle the problem, then the problems festering in the dark side will pose less danger. Because, no doubt about it - the dark side is frought with danger, unless it is well maintained. But the fact is that depending on inadequate professional help can be akin to choosing death. It is than that you consider it might be preferable to bumble along on your own, through trial and error guided by faith alone, which in and of itself becomes a process of developing the needed skills which lead you to choose life.
When you have been through the process, the "pros" who were nowhere to be found when you needed them have no right to repetitively and voyeuristically demand that you dump all that dark side shit onto them, now, long after you processed it so that it would no longer be an insurmountable burden in your life. But here they are waving all their "I know best about everything all the time” credentials in your face, demanding that you exhume that shit so they can inspect it and advise you, long after even the bones of it have returned to dust, and then transformed into pure illumination. Both the good pros and the bad pros do damage in that way. The truly evil bad ones, of course, only want to know how much you know about the dark side so they will know in what ways they can try to abuse you without your consent, supposedly without your knowledge. The good ones will recognize a kindred spirit. You must learn to feel the energy so you can learn to trust your own judgment.
Yes, not seeing the forest for the trees is a real circumstance particularly when dealing with your own dark side. That is when talking with others might be of benefit. Those who have done their own clearing work know what you are talking about and there are three ways they might be of assistance. 1) by extending sympathy - I understand and sympathize (but I will not allow you to obstruct my life by dumping that shit into it. It is yours to deal with so deal with it!). 2) by extending compassion - tell me about it, I think what you are going through is something I have gone through and talking about it might help (but take it with you when you leave because I will not allow you to obstruct my life by dumping that shit into it. It is yours to deal with so deal with it!) 3) by extending empathy, but only in the ways they are willing to do so, for as long as they are willing to do so which may or may not be useful to you. When they say “stop, no more” - then get out of their way, and take that shit with you when you leave to go process it yourself.
Yes, empathy is not always kind because the lives of others are an imposition on it, so if the empathetic deal with your shit in the same ways they deal with their own, then it may be offensive and damaging to you. Kindness comes first, but if that is not respected then be prepared for worse if you want to demand empathy. Best to ask for and appreciate merciful compassion if you would appreciate the insight of another. Or if you mostly are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the work you are doing and just need to know you are not alone in dealing with the problem, then the understanding of sympathy is all that you need and want - simply the acknowledgement of what you are going through and a reminder that someone else is confident you will find your way through the ordeal and succeed.
When one is not narcissistic the empathy others are able to extend, only on their terms, is always a blessing for which to be grateful. The demands in an individual’s life at the time are likely to determine their response to you. It is your job to know exactly what you want from others if you choose to involve them, and to ask for what you need of an individual if you think that person can assist you as you need to be assisted. Because, when you are unclear about what you need and demand more of a person then they are able to give at any given time, you are wrong.
Like everyone else, what I know is for me to share, not for anyone else to demand I tell them. If someone else needs to know more about something they think I or anyone else knows, or they need the support of others confirming what they know because they feel alone with the burden of knowing, then I will extend my compassion by sharing what I know after I have conveyed my understanding in the form of sympathy - to first determine, if it is not already clear, whether or not the person has a genuine need or is intent on being a narcissistic abuser. Likewise if anyone observes a soul in need and can share something to minimize the suffering, then for God’s sake be upfront and direct about it instead of beating around the bush.
No, sharing my own experience and what I know is not a narcissistic guiding of the conversation to myself, the same as it is not for anyone else who is extending compassionate understanding. Anyone who wants to believe that only wants to transfer the evil in their own life into yours for you to deal with which indicates their own narcissism.
When someone is dumping their negativity into your life because it has risen to the point of them experiencing it as evil in their own lives, they are "projecting" - projecting their shit onto you as yours. They are trying to force you to experience the negative feelings to which they are addicted because they want a domicile for that evil so they can access it and feed on it at their convenience. And they will do everything they possibly can to obstruct you from taking out the trash they are dumping into your life, because they want you to keep it for them so they can access it when their addiction drives them to their own unprocessed dark side which they are trying store in your life so they do not have to deal with its evil turmoil. They are abusive when you say no to their demands. They can not live with the evil turmoil because they have not processed the fragmented contents of their dark sides, so it does not stop calling to them to do so. That calling is the addiction they answer to but do nothing to resolve.
Thus, we have insight into how narcissists are driven by evil, though do not necessarily start out being driven by evil. Self-neglect is one cause, and in many cases that is due to others having obstructed and limited self-care in our lives when it was imperative that we engage in it. When that happens, repeatedly, it is truly damaging and it makes one into a scapegoat not only of the individual narcissist who is engaging in the scapegoating, but of other narcissists too which the extreme negativity created, attracts. In that circumstance, without processing one's own dark side and first ridding it of all that is not one's own, becoming a next generation narcissist might threaten. Thus we understand how narcissism is conveyed from one generation to the next until someone says no and chooses to heal and stop passing that buck.
The damage that occurs in life can be immense before one is able to say no, and have no respected instead of punished, at which point it is then possible to start to heal. And that damage starts as abuse in infancy for some. However, even without intentional abuse in childhood, we still have damage from it which we need to process, simply because it is necessary to be able to know oneself, to recognize oneself as an individual separate from those with whom one connects, even those with whom we connect in mutually beneficial and undamaging ways. Abusers will rarely be able or willing to recognize you as the separate individual you are - distinct from themselves. Because, they want to claim all the good in you they can see as their own. and claim that all the bad they see in themselves is yours. It is no exaggeration.
Those who have suffered from intentional abuse have a lot more work to do, work which is much more difficult for them to realize a need for, simply because knowing what to think or do about abuse that occurred, other than ignore it, may not become an issue they are prepared to address until much later in life. But it will always be there to obstruct, redirect, and limit, and to be used against them by others, until it is addressed. Those who intentionally abused us will not tell us. Those who may know about it or suspect it, also may not tell us until or unless we ask them what they may know that we suspect and in some cases recall. And even then they may resist informing us of what they know or suspect.
We can and will recall, eventually, even incidents from way back in the fog of time when it is considered technically too early to be able to recall. Even those of us who are gifted with insight about past lives, may not be gifted with insight about abuse to ourselves in this life until we are able to move beyond the damage we know processing that abuse will do when we recognize it as our own, having already recognized the damage it is able to do and has done to others. And we must recognize it so we can do the work necessary to neutralize it in our own lives. Even after we fully process our own past abuses we will find fragments of it from time to time in our dark sides that will fester until we process them.
Anyone damaged by the narcissism of others will have a difficult time with all the processing that must be done because the amount of processing necessary is directly proportional to the amount of narcissistic damage that has occurred in our lives. The amount of time that must be dedicate to the process makes one feel very self-centered at times because of having to focus on oneself to be able to heal and move beyond the damage.
And there will be those in your life who will do all they can to obstruct that process and label you as a narcissist - very possibly because of not having processed their own issues. Depending on your circumstances in life, especially if you are not in an awake relationship with a significant other, or part of an awake tribe/family/clan - it is a process best done without involving others because there is a plethora of negative emotions in damaging intensities which accompany the process. Others will actually feel that chaos when you are in contact with one another. They will not like the energy any more than you do. And the fact is that you also are not able to take on any additional negative energy without it becoming overwhelming while you are doing that processing.
There is a space reserved for narcissistic damage in our dark sides because it is damage which requires special handling. We find the narcissistic damage we have experienced and stored in the dark side, to be the total accumulation of fragments which were created from unrealized manifestations associated with our own purposes in life which others actually intentionally obstructed, redirected, and limited because of their ill-intent. Most of what is otherwise in a cleared and well-maintained dark side primarily consists of our own reactions which do not settle well with us and require objective processing. Thus when we handle them in real-time as consistently as possible we are able to stop them from accumulating and migrating to the exclusive space where narcissistic fragments collect, and worse consolidate into larger than life monstrous obstructions until we deal with them.
Let’s say we successfully accomplished and survived doing the needed work which must be accomplished after we become aware that the dark side was demanding our attention in very negative ways until we did. We then need to include establishing boundaries as part of the work - learning to establish effective boundaries. That means we will need to know our own boundaries. Evenso we will still need to establish individual boundaries with individual people from time to time.
What is a boundary? Well, here is one of mine which I have recognized. I'll be damned if I'm going to agree to babysit the naughty, spoiled, criminal damned dark side of others so they know where it is and can visit it to get their fix without ever going through the process of clearing out their own lives. No ma’am, no sir. Won’t do it. I understand they can not store it themselves, so they want someone else to store it for them. But, no dice brah, not in my reality. I don't volunteer for that nonsense, and I do not consent to being used in that way especially without my knowledge, and especially by anyone who has previously used and abused my soul without me consenting, or because someone who was untrustworthy and evil gave it to an abuser. That someone would ordinarily be an unfaithful significant other (or spouse), or a parent, or in the case of those who have been abused, the abuser. We can learn to be kind about communicating our boundaries, but until we find ourselves angry about them having been violated we may not be able to identify them and learn to be kind when we must inform others of them.
When abuse has happened to an infant, then the use and abuse of that soul is often extensive, and even when one processes that and gets past it - that person is occasionally haunted by the dark side of an abuser, though less intensely after having finally processed most of damage that was done. It is the same for anyone abused as a child. However, as with any abuse, it may not be fully revealed in one’s life until one is able to survive processing it - which often is much later in life and a long time to suffer from damage that has taken up permanent residence in the dark side and needs to be evicted from it.
So what does this mean in practical terms? One thing it means is that it is very possible there are a lot of people who are parents but who have not yet processed the abuse they experienced in their lives. If the literature is correct, and the experiences of others and ourselves more or less demonstrates that it is in these cases, then the same issues will continue to plague us in a variety of ways and forms until we actually do connect with them in our dark sides and process the hell out of them - destroying resistant consolidated fragments and transforming them into pure energy. Otherwise it could manifest as incompatible irreconcilable differences in a marriage. It could manifest as neglect or other abuse of one’s own children in some way or another. That is reality and also a danger that even without our knowledge leads to conveying ancestral trauma to our own progeny.
The crime of abusing anyone is sadistic narcissistic psychopathy - and history is replete with evidence that it is deadly. That includes all abuse from anyone, including abuse that is based on targeting others because of personal prejudices whatever those prejudices might be. We deal with the problems of many types of societal prejudices on a daily basis. The nature of the problem is the same in all abusers no matter their motivation. Only the targets of abuse are different. On a large scale it is terrorism. So think about that for a moment. It can provide insight for anyone who has not personally experienced evilly intended abuse as a child or an adult.
When it is a child who is targeted it is particularly injurious. When it is an infant . . . well, that is as pernicious as it gets - the worst of the worst crimes which has the potential to ruin a person's life because it forces one to deal with someone else's dark side so early and for so long that it is experienced as evil, and has the effect of evil. An infant can simply be overwhelmed with all types of energy in the environment. But in normal conditions, as long as love predominates, it neutralizes the energy of damaging negativity which could exist when the parents have not fully processed their own dark sides.
Even after one does figure it out and starts transforming what is possible to transform in the dark side, and sending the evil back from whence it came when it is not possible, then the younger a person is the less others will be able to comprehend the words used in an effort to describe incidents of abuse. That can be protective for a child in the event a young child asks for help from the abuser. Even adults have limited ways to describe what they are going through without being labeled as having mental problems, until they have done their own research and have better learned to articulate and describe the issues and associated problems.
So if there is a need to seek outside assistance, then it is best to go with the types of terminology that ring true and best describe not only the journey one has been on, but also the journey one envisions into the future - fully healed. However, we must always be mindful of our choices so they do not create further obstructions for us. For myself it has always been the spiritual path which has provided the needed guidance and insight as the foundation from which to move forward to embrace parts of the other sets of terminology. We need to be able to understand the terminology associated with all of these ways of understanding so as not to be victimized by those who intentionally use them to abuse.
If you are involved with a total do-it-yourself processing of your dark side, whether it be by necessity or choice (and we all actually are doing it ourselves whether or not we ask for assistance), then my advice is to read. Do a lot of reading. Supplement reading with available videos and audio presentations. Analyze the lyrics in music that draws your attention too, and understand what is being conveyed from all that you access in relation to the processing you are doing. Within the range of sources that can guide - some will be useless to you but not to others. Other sources you might attribute to saving your life though they have little or no similar effect on other folks. And there are many sources between these two polarities that, as you happen upon them, can all contribute something to assist you in learning what you need to know.
Sources are available because the most mercifully compassionate people have employed their empathy productively towards that end to guide your way. Instead of allowing others to dictate and abuse their own empathy they extend what they know they can in that form, from which all are welcome to benefit. Some of the folks are actually credentialed and offer courses, workshops, seminars, individual and group sessions. What is offered could be exactly what some folks need and prefer as a way to motivate themselves and learn effective ways to deal with their dark sides - to clean the dark side house and empty its closets, clear its garage and extra storage area, and clean up the yard which all need attention in their dark side. That is always a good choice because the contacts one makes become one's network and tribe of mutual supporters and it is a deserved source of income for the professionals who are able and willing to show the way with their merciful compassion.
I know for certain that until one processes the dark side, there is often much more misery in life than there is joyful delight and inspiration. There is also less observed synchronicity until we do the needed processing. When we are free from the dark side haunting us because we are giving it the maintaining it requires and deserves, then we are freer to take delight in the world around us, freer to be in the moment and enjoy what we are fortunate enough to have in our lives for which we are grateful. And we find satisfaction in being of service to others.
“I sought my God and my God I couldn't find;
I sought my soul and my soul eluded me;
I sought to serve my brother in his need, and I found all three;
My God, my soul, and thee.”
― William Blake
Does this ring true with you, make sense to you? If it does then you are likely to be really tired of this tedious "embrace your dark side" advice, after your life has been fully illuminated and you are actually able to recognize the problem of other folks dark sides invading your life - even in some cases recognizing the folks to whom those dark sides belong.
Do not misunderstand! “Embrace your dark side!“ is excellent advice. If you are ready to tackle your own dark side and/or need to be able to put into words of understanding what you are dealing with in your life, or need to know because people in your life are going through it in their lives, then you need to heed the call of those who know about embracing the dark side. Once you have done the processing work, its presence provides comfort. But let's not get the cart before the horse because there is a long way to go after starting the journey.
Processing the Dark Side
At issue is the work which needs to be accomplished in processing one’s own dark side without experiencing extensive damage. But first let me tell you, here and now, that you have the right to say no to anyone wanting to make you responsible for their dark side. No on else’s dark side is your responsibility. No one else can do the work of another in their stead, for them - no one.My life was fully illuminated long, long ago more than once as a child by the time I was 12. And I gradually learned to do the work of processing my dark side. That is something that we all do to some extent by simply growing into our own lives. I went through what, in retrospect, feels like it must have been an initiation which required me, all by my lonesome, to inventory and process all that was within my dark side - tossing out the fragments of unrealized manifestations. Identifying those fragments was a matter of relegating to the trash heap all the obstructions and limits that interfered with reaching full illumination, again, all on my own - beyond only "the grace of God" (some would say) which had been providing illumination, with a little help from my friends before I was 20, then having reached a point in life where I knew I must take primary responsibility for the process, myself. Once one does that work it is possible to maintain the dark side as the potential it is so that it rests easy and is life giving rather than being life damaging; so that it is possible to manage the dark side in real time when it needs attention. It is a call that must be responded to immediately - or as soon as possible IF and ONLY IF there is nothing more vital to life which needs attention.
Does it sound like the dark side is a demanding spoiled child? Well, if you neglect it, it certainly is experienced in that way. And if you are abusive to it because of neglect, it certainly is experienced in a much worse way when it has fully grown into a pathological, sadistic, masochistic, Machiavellian narcissistic experience that personifies evil. I am not exaggerating. It happens. And I have experienced the damage that is done by those to whom that has happened.
A Life Long Endeavor
Do not neglect your dark side - ever - once you have gone through that initial journey of clearing it out yourself and becoming fully illuminated as a result. Don’t misunderstand. It is not a one time and forever done, task. It is a life long endeavor. But once you have done major processing work you can relate to your dark side with love and compassion and absolutely no hostility or dislike - similar to how everyone feels about infants. We do not neglect the needs of infants. We care for them with great love. Similarly, you do not neglect your dark side when it needs your attention, because guaranteed doing so will result in problems developing both in the near and far future - and everywhere in between.To be fully realized in life we all have a need to illuminate our lives by clearing out all the fragments of unmet potential within our dark sides, so that we are able to maintain it in real time. That means we then need to deal with these fragments immediately as they occur, which are associated with issues we are aware of and keep account of, so we can prevent the fragments of obstructed unmet potential from accumulating in the dark side. Only you can do it. No one else can do it for you. Recognize that you owe it to the people in your life, if not yourself, to make life easier for yourselves and everyone else by clearing out and processing the dark side if you have not yet done so; by keeping up constantly with real-time dark side housekeeping.
Before I continue I want to make it clear that I am using understandable existent terminology which is used to communicate about these issue. It is in no way some sort of “hidden agenda” associated with skin color and everyone knows that, of course, except rabble-rousing trouble makers with evil agendas whose dark sides have become fully grown narcissistic problems to all, not only themselves.
Energy and Its Potential
Speaking of dark and light in this way is about energy and its potential. Consider that light is like fire but much more intense, destroying all of the manifested trash in one’s life that does not belong to pure spirit. Consider that dark is like the all embracing dark of night when only the stars are present but with much more intensity, full of potential to manifest all that can be created.Consider the universe. Fact is that mass only becomes condensed matter by originating and consolidating in the dark side. All in existence which is not pure unfettered uncontained energy of light is potential mass - energy in its most quiet state - like that which fills our well maintained dark sides. Even so that energy is actively popping into and out of infinitesimal mass, sometime coalescing into stable particles. Our dark sides are similar. Some particles collect and coalesce as disconnected fragments of trash which we need to process and remove from the dark side of our lives so they do not interfere with our potential to manifest what we need in life. And the fact is that until and unless we clean it up and clear it out, we can not maintain our lives properly and prevent them from becoming a trash heap which makes our dark sides a problem for us and other people, too.
When we do not do the work and instead allow our lives to become a trash heap, then it also attracts the trash of others as well. So too illuminated lives attract the light of others. We all exist as light and dark. We need to know how to understand both, and how to manage what we can, and when to give free reign as needed. That means knowing oneself well.
Done well, learning to know oneself does not become a narcissistic endeavor like narcissistic abusers want to convince you and everyone else that it is. It is your duty and obligation and the reason you are living - the journey that is yours and only yours to take - with the companionship you need, when you need it. Rumi conveys the obligation to oneself and everyone else that it is: "I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God."
Completely Empty It
Although your own dark side is not the problem or responsibility of anyone else, it becomes everyone else’s problem when you do not deal with it but instead try to dump it onto others. It is absolutely full of potential from which you manifest your needs. Thing is the only way to do so is to embrace your dark side, so that you can also fully embody the light of pure spirit; so that together they can be used as the potential to manifest all of creation for everyone as they need it to be. So empty that bitch out - completely empty it out of all the fragments of obstructed unmet potential that accumulate without real time maintenance, so all that remains is the energy of potential, along with the energy of pure spirit which is created at the inception of life - life which is meant to be a manifestation that transforms the potential of dark energy into all that exists in physical form.
The only problem any of us I have with the dark side in life once we have cleared our own space of all the fragments of efforts to manifest which were obstructed and limited and did not come to fruition, is when people try to superimpose their own fragmented dark sides onto our lives. We actually do recognize this effort as foreign and do not accept it. We don't need it, we don't want it. It is not our responsibility.
Assistance with Clearing
If other people want assistance with clearing out their dark sides then they need to ask directly rather than hint around about it, or try to manipulate. Those who can will help in the ways they choose. If someone can not help then it is damned well better for you to take your fragmented dark side and skedaddle on out of their lives instead of being determined to try to dump it into their lives where it does not belong. Our own dark sides are not any one else’s responsibility. And we have the right to refuse to continue to put up with the abuse of the dark side of other people which occurs when they have not personally done the clearing work in their own lives necessary so that they can manage their own dark sides.Yes, you can do it without professional assistance. And when you do, either because you prefer to, or because no professionals with the needed skills were available when you were at that point in your life, then you develop those skills yourself or die trying. Note that a lot of people have died trying. It is not a fools errand. In fact it actually can be a life and death battle. Ask anyone who has been addicted if you do not understand, or anyone who has experienced relentless post partum depression for that matter which is very much like unmet addiction. When you maintain your own dark side properly, instead of employing crisis management which only recognizes when it is past time to handle the problem, then the problems festering in the dark side will pose less danger. Because, no doubt about it - the dark side is frought with danger, unless it is well maintained. But the fact is that depending on inadequate professional help can be akin to choosing death. It is than that you consider it might be preferable to bumble along on your own, through trial and error guided by faith alone, which in and of itself becomes a process of developing the needed skills which lead you to choose life.
When you have been through the process, the "pros" who were nowhere to be found when you needed them have no right to repetitively and voyeuristically demand that you dump all that dark side shit onto them, now, long after you processed it so that it would no longer be an insurmountable burden in your life. But here they are waving all their "I know best about everything all the time” credentials in your face, demanding that you exhume that shit so they can inspect it and advise you, long after even the bones of it have returned to dust, and then transformed into pure illumination. Both the good pros and the bad pros do damage in that way. The truly evil bad ones, of course, only want to know how much you know about the dark side so they will know in what ways they can try to abuse you without your consent, supposedly without your knowledge. The good ones will recognize a kindred spirit. You must learn to feel the energy so you can learn to trust your own judgment.
Develop the Skills
One of the worst crimes a person can commit against others is to dump all the trash their own dark side reveals to them into the lives of others, instead of processing it. It is mandatory to develop the skills to get rid of the trash and deal with new issues in real time so they do not accumulate and become damaging to oneself or others.Yes, not seeing the forest for the trees is a real circumstance particularly when dealing with your own dark side. That is when talking with others might be of benefit. Those who have done their own clearing work know what you are talking about and there are three ways they might be of assistance. 1) by extending sympathy - I understand and sympathize (but I will not allow you to obstruct my life by dumping that shit into it. It is yours to deal with so deal with it!). 2) by extending compassion - tell me about it, I think what you are going through is something I have gone through and talking about it might help (but take it with you when you leave because I will not allow you to obstruct my life by dumping that shit into it. It is yours to deal with so deal with it!) 3) by extending empathy, but only in the ways they are willing to do so, for as long as they are willing to do so which may or may not be useful to you. When they say “stop, no more” - then get out of their way, and take that shit with you when you leave to go process it yourself.
Yes, empathy is not always kind because the lives of others are an imposition on it, so if the empathetic deal with your shit in the same ways they deal with their own, then it may be offensive and damaging to you. Kindness comes first, but if that is not respected then be prepared for worse if you want to demand empathy. Best to ask for and appreciate merciful compassion if you would appreciate the insight of another. Or if you mostly are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the work you are doing and just need to know you are not alone in dealing with the problem, then the understanding of sympathy is all that you need and want - simply the acknowledgement of what you are going through and a reminder that someone else is confident you will find your way through the ordeal and succeed.
When one is not narcissistic the empathy others are able to extend, only on their terms, is always a blessing for which to be grateful. The demands in an individual’s life at the time are likely to determine their response to you. It is your job to know exactly what you want from others if you choose to involve them, and to ask for what you need of an individual if you think that person can assist you as you need to be assisted. Because, when you are unclear about what you need and demand more of a person then they are able to give at any given time, you are wrong.
Like everyone else, what I know is for me to share, not for anyone else to demand I tell them. If someone else needs to know more about something they think I or anyone else knows, or they need the support of others confirming what they know because they feel alone with the burden of knowing, then I will extend my compassion by sharing what I know after I have conveyed my understanding in the form of sympathy - to first determine, if it is not already clear, whether or not the person has a genuine need or is intent on being a narcissistic abuser. Likewise if anyone observes a soul in need and can share something to minimize the suffering, then for God’s sake be upfront and direct about it instead of beating around the bush.
No, sharing my own experience and what I know is not a narcissistic guiding of the conversation to myself, the same as it is not for anyone else who is extending compassionate understanding. Anyone who wants to believe that only wants to transfer the evil in their own life into yours for you to deal with which indicates their own narcissism.
Taking out the Trash
The damage that occurs in life can be immense before one is able to say no, and have no respected instead of punished, at which point it is then possible to start to heal. And that damage starts as abuse in infancy for some. However, even without intentional abuse in childhood, we still have damage from it which we need to process, simply because it is necessary to be able to know oneself, to recognize oneself as an individual separate from those with whom one connects, even those with whom we connect in mutually beneficial and undamaging ways. Abusers will rarely be able or willing to recognize you as the separate individual you are - distinct from themselves. Because, they want to claim all the good in you they can see as their own. and claim that all the bad they see in themselves is yours. It is no exaggeration.
Surviving Childhood
It has been said that to survive childhood is to have to heal from Stockholm Syndrome. The irony is that it is probably true, to some extent, for everyone. Parents are not perfect, but decent people do the best they know how to do, the best they are able. Evenso everyone needs to revisit how they were raised - how they were programmed while growing up - for the purpose of keeping what works, tossing what does not, and staying on the fence about how to classify some programming while researching it. It is the process of maturing into a self-supporting independent responsible adult.Those who have suffered from intentional abuse have a lot more work to do, work which is much more difficult for them to realize a need for, simply because knowing what to think or do about abuse that occurred, other than ignore it, may not become an issue they are prepared to address until much later in life. But it will always be there to obstruct, redirect, and limit, and to be used against them by others, until it is addressed. Those who intentionally abused us will not tell us. Those who may know about it or suspect it, also may not tell us until or unless we ask them what they may know that we suspect and in some cases recall. And even then they may resist informing us of what they know or suspect.
We can and will recall, eventually, even incidents from way back in the fog of time when it is considered technically too early to be able to recall. Even those of us who are gifted with insight about past lives, may not be gifted with insight about abuse to ourselves in this life until we are able to move beyond the damage we know processing that abuse will do when we recognize it as our own, having already recognized the damage it is able to do and has done to others. And we must recognize it so we can do the work necessary to neutralize it in our own lives. Even after we fully process our own past abuses we will find fragments of it from time to time in our dark sides that will fester until we process them.
Recognizing Narcissism
It becomes imperative when processing the dark side that we are able to recognize actual narcissism. There is a range of it from from narcissistic personality disorder (npd) to full blown narcissism in several forms, configured with other issues like sociopathy, masochism, sadism, and psychopathy. I am not credentialed to provide detailed information other than what I can relay from experience and observation. However to be able to fully process one’s dark side it is necessary to learn about the problem for two primary reasons 1) to protect ourselves from others 2) to protect ourselves from developing strong narcissistic tendencies which will cause harm to others.Anyone damaged by the narcissism of others will have a difficult time with all the processing that must be done because the amount of processing necessary is directly proportional to the amount of narcissistic damage that has occurred in our lives. The amount of time that must be dedicate to the process makes one feel very self-centered at times because of having to focus on oneself to be able to heal and move beyond the damage.
And there will be those in your life who will do all they can to obstruct that process and label you as a narcissist - very possibly because of not having processed their own issues. Depending on your circumstances in life, especially if you are not in an awake relationship with a significant other, or part of an awake tribe/family/clan - it is a process best done without involving others because there is a plethora of negative emotions in damaging intensities which accompany the process. Others will actually feel that chaos when you are in contact with one another. They will not like the energy any more than you do. And the fact is that you also are not able to take on any additional negative energy without it becoming overwhelming while you are doing that processing.
There is a space reserved for narcissistic damage in our dark sides because it is damage which requires special handling. We find the narcissistic damage we have experienced and stored in the dark side, to be the total accumulation of fragments which were created from unrealized manifestations associated with our own purposes in life which others actually intentionally obstructed, redirected, and limited because of their ill-intent. Most of what is otherwise in a cleared and well-maintained dark side primarily consists of our own reactions which do not settle well with us and require objective processing. Thus when we handle them in real-time as consistently as possible we are able to stop them from accumulating and migrating to the exclusive space where narcissistic fragments collect, and worse consolidate into larger than life monstrous obstructions until we deal with them.
Establishing Boundaries
What is a boundary? Well, here is one of mine which I have recognized. I'll be damned if I'm going to agree to babysit the naughty, spoiled, criminal damned dark side of others so they know where it is and can visit it to get their fix without ever going through the process of clearing out their own lives. No ma’am, no sir. Won’t do it. I understand they can not store it themselves, so they want someone else to store it for them. But, no dice brah, not in my reality. I don't volunteer for that nonsense, and I do not consent to being used in that way especially without my knowledge, and especially by anyone who has previously used and abused my soul without me consenting, or because someone who was untrustworthy and evil gave it to an abuser. That someone would ordinarily be an unfaithful significant other (or spouse), or a parent, or in the case of those who have been abused, the abuser. We can learn to be kind about communicating our boundaries, but until we find ourselves angry about them having been violated we may not be able to identify them and learn to be kind when we must inform others of them.
When abuse has happened to an infant, then the use and abuse of that soul is often extensive, and even when one processes that and gets past it - that person is occasionally haunted by the dark side of an abuser, though less intensely after having finally processed most of damage that was done. It is the same for anyone abused as a child. However, as with any abuse, it may not be fully revealed in one’s life until one is able to survive processing it - which often is much later in life and a long time to suffer from damage that has taken up permanent residence in the dark side and needs to be evicted from it.
So what does this mean in practical terms? One thing it means is that it is very possible there are a lot of people who are parents but who have not yet processed the abuse they experienced in their lives. If the literature is correct, and the experiences of others and ourselves more or less demonstrates that it is in these cases, then the same issues will continue to plague us in a variety of ways and forms until we actually do connect with them in our dark sides and process the hell out of them - destroying resistant consolidated fragments and transforming them into pure energy. Otherwise it could manifest as incompatible irreconcilable differences in a marriage. It could manifest as neglect or other abuse of one’s own children in some way or another. That is reality and also a danger that even without our knowledge leads to conveying ancestral trauma to our own progeny.
The crime of abusing anyone is sadistic narcissistic psychopathy - and history is replete with evidence that it is deadly. That includes all abuse from anyone, including abuse that is based on targeting others because of personal prejudices whatever those prejudices might be. We deal with the problems of many types of societal prejudices on a daily basis. The nature of the problem is the same in all abusers no matter their motivation. Only the targets of abuse are different. On a large scale it is terrorism. So think about that for a moment. It can provide insight for anyone who has not personally experienced evilly intended abuse as a child or an adult.
Abuse and Terrorism Equate
Abuse is terrorism, intended to be terrorism, and is experienced as terrorism. Abuse and terrorism equate. The only difference is the scale - the amount of people targeted at any one time. Neither always ends in the death of the targeted, but both always end with emotional/psychological damage to those targeted and to those who witness it whether or not there is physical damage - the intent of both being to instill fear as a weapon the terrorist/abuser wants to use as a means of control - even when instilling that fear motivates extreme action to some which may not be hidden from others. That motivates observers to take action and they do. It happens in the case of terrorist incidents at the time, where some take heroic action - sometimes at cost of their own lives; also later by addressing the problem societally. Fact is, and understandably, witnesses to individual abuse do not respond similarly, as frequently.When it is a child who is targeted it is particularly injurious. When it is an infant . . . well, that is as pernicious as it gets - the worst of the worst crimes which has the potential to ruin a person's life because it forces one to deal with someone else's dark side so early and for so long that it is experienced as evil, and has the effect of evil. An infant can simply be overwhelmed with all types of energy in the environment. But in normal conditions, as long as love predominates, it neutralizes the energy of damaging negativity which could exist when the parents have not fully processed their own dark sides.
Even after one does figure it out and starts transforming what is possible to transform in the dark side, and sending the evil back from whence it came when it is not possible, then the younger a person is the less others will be able to comprehend the words used in an effort to describe incidents of abuse. That can be protective for a child in the event a young child asks for help from the abuser. Even adults have limited ways to describe what they are going through without being labeled as having mental problems, until they have done their own research and have better learned to articulate and describe the issues and associated problems.
Various Types of Terminology Lead to Understanding
There are various types of terminology which can be used to convey understanding and to articulate understanding. They are associated with emotions and psychology, or medical conditions, or religion and philosophy, or spirituality and being ‘woke. Art, music, and literature are also replete with creative ways people have conveyed valuable information in the form of their experiences, about these issues. Sometimes these creative venues ring true with us and first inform us, as food for thought, of issues about which we need to know more Then in researching what we need to know we encounter numerous sets of terminology which are used in various fields.So if there is a need to seek outside assistance, then it is best to go with the types of terminology that ring true and best describe not only the journey one has been on, but also the journey one envisions into the future - fully healed. However, we must always be mindful of our choices so they do not create further obstructions for us. For myself it has always been the spiritual path which has provided the needed guidance and insight as the foundation from which to move forward to embrace parts of the other sets of terminology. We need to be able to understand the terminology associated with all of these ways of understanding so as not to be victimized by those who intentionally use them to abuse.
If you are involved with a total do-it-yourself processing of your dark side, whether it be by necessity or choice (and we all actually are doing it ourselves whether or not we ask for assistance), then my advice is to read. Do a lot of reading. Supplement reading with available videos and audio presentations. Analyze the lyrics in music that draws your attention too, and understand what is being conveyed from all that you access in relation to the processing you are doing. Within the range of sources that can guide - some will be useless to you but not to others. Other sources you might attribute to saving your life though they have little or no similar effect on other folks. And there are many sources between these two polarities that, as you happen upon them, can all contribute something to assist you in learning what you need to know.
Sources are available because the most mercifully compassionate people have employed their empathy productively towards that end to guide your way. Instead of allowing others to dictate and abuse their own empathy they extend what they know they can in that form, from which all are welcome to benefit. Some of the folks are actually credentialed and offer courses, workshops, seminars, individual and group sessions. What is offered could be exactly what some folks need and prefer as a way to motivate themselves and learn effective ways to deal with their dark sides - to clean the dark side house and empty its closets, clear its garage and extra storage area, and clean up the yard which all need attention in their dark side. That is always a good choice because the contacts one makes become one's network and tribe of mutual supporters and it is a deserved source of income for the professionals who are able and willing to show the way with their merciful compassion.
I know for certain that until one processes the dark side, there is often much more misery in life than there is joyful delight and inspiration. There is also less observed synchronicity until we do the needed processing. When we are free from the dark side haunting us because we are giving it the maintaining it requires and deserves, then we are freer to take delight in the world around us, freer to be in the moment and enjoy what we are fortunate enough to have in our lives for which we are grateful. And we find satisfaction in being of service to others.
“I sought my God and my God I couldn't find;
I sought my soul and my soul eluded me;
I sought to serve my brother in his need, and I found all three;
My God, my soul, and thee.”
― William Blake
