07 March 2019

Are You a Toxic Problem?

Are you ill-intended or simply being stupid, lazy, and uncaring?  I ask this of myself whenever I need to fact check and am being resistant to doing so.  So I'm asking you all to ask yourselves the same question in association with the damaging toxicity we bring into our environments that does harm to us all.  I'm talking about physical toxicity.  Emotional toxicity is a whole other issue and as important. But this is a Wednesday rant about physical toxicity.

I am so over and past  having  the quality of my health and life affected by the second hand smoking of others; by the overpowering stench of heavily perfumed cosmetics, fragrances, household air fresheners, detergents, soaps, shampoos, fabric softeners, insect and weed sprays, and the toxic chemicals in all of them.  Read the damned labels, people, and make responsible choices that are non-toxic to yourselves, your children, everyone else, and the environment.  

If you don’t give a damn about your own health at least make an effort to try to care about the health of your children - and all those in your household, including pets.  Check food labels, try to avoid purchasing food that is in plastic, and avoid storing food in plastic.  Plastic is so pervasive that it becomes work to try to do so.  And we all know the damage plastic trash is doing to the oceans and  sealife.  As consumers we each can make a good difference that contributes to solving the problem.  We know this.  We can do it, We simply must do it - for many reasons, about many problems.  For example, I have decided to make a small difference, recently, about no longer  being lazy about using my grocery receipt to express my opinion.  On many receipts there is a web address with a survey.  We have all noticed that.  Yes, it is tedious to go through all the questions designed to provide statistics.  The grocery store's interest is in what the store looks like and how the employees behave.  As a consumer my main interest is in the quality of the products.   Progressing through the survey, eventually there is a place to comment, like about what it is you could not find, or about what it was that you did not find excellent.  So I am using those comment sections to say I had to purchase a product at another store, because I could not find it in a glass container; or to say that because the packaging (and sometimes the food too!) was permeated with the stench of fabric softener or insecticide because of the way the products were not separated in shipping or storage, or because there was no visible price, I could not purchase the product from their store. 

I do not like making the time to do these surveys, but I will get used to it.  What is irritating is that some of these things are because of bad management and/or inadequate supervision.  When I go to the same big-box grocery in a different location in town, the stench of fabric softener does not permeate the food packaging.  So this raises questions about ghettoization based on locale.  I don't know what causes the problem. Do the same stores with a lower profit margin maybe always receive the products closest to the outside of a shipping pallet that were less protected from the pervasive stench of fabric softener and other items full of toxic chemicals?  Picayunish?  Not if your closest grocery store always has that problem with all of its packaging but other stores do not.  And how much of a useless time waste is it for us when only the same few people repeatedly comment about the same problem so we are considered problems, instead?  We all have to raise our consumer standards people.  No one deserves to have the packaging and the food they buy and bring into their homes be compromised by the stench of insecticide because of how it was stored.  I have not returned any of these items, but that is the next inconvenience I will choose to accept as a personal responsibility for my own health and that of others.

I make health a priority in my life for myself and have my entire life.  Not a smoker, not a drinker, not a drugger. There is a backstory here, but I will not go into it except to say I have always been terrified of medical people, places, and procedures, especially needles.  Yes, I know it is not anyone's favorite past time.  For me being mindful of health has always been a matter of survival which was highly dependent on avoiding fear.  Sure, if I have ever had to see an m.d., I have gone, and am grateful for the care received that was needed.  The point is that we all know  most folks eventually come around to being health conscious.  The sorrow is that sometimes it is not until serious health problems manifest.  I'm here to tell you the sooner you become health conscious, the better for yourself and everyone in your life.  Of course I care about the quality of health and life of others  also which is why I battle against what is not good for my health, because what is not healthy for me ordinarily will  have the same negative effects on the health of others, immediately in some cases, also incrementally cumulative over time, whether or not people know of cumulative effects.  As a natural born skeptic I have been doing my own research most of my adult life about being health and maintaining health.  So I will rant about toxicity, because it is not only me that fixing toxic problems benefits.  What I have to say about this may be useful to some.  If not then do not waste your time reading what I have to say about it simply as an exercise in judging me.  That is my job and I do it as well as possible.  Judging you is your job - do it well.

I wonder how many know that heavy fragrances are designed to mask the smell of chemicals which are toxic and damaging. Fragrances themselves are also toxic, especially the synthetic fragrances.  That is particularly true about fabric softeners and laundry detergents that include fabric softeners.  The chemical smell is so strong without it, no one would use it.  Synthetic fragrances can be particularly damaging to the people lucky enough to have the "curse" of being chemically sensitive.  When heeded chemical sensitivity is forewarning and protective.  When not heeded it forewarns of future ill health that will sometimes be immediate, but will always be incrementally cumulative over time.  Chemical sensitivity warns us to be aware of the toxic and unnecessary ingredients in all types of personal products and cleaning products in the home, and of toxicity at work. But here's the thing, those who are not chemically sensitive suffer from toxicity too but are not always aware their health is being affected or that toxicity might be the origin of health problems they experience. 

Here is a truism.  You can not claim ignorance once you have been informed.  You do not have to "believe", but you do have to be responsible.  Question, do your own research, learn the facts.  There are non-toxic, responsible alternatives but they are rarely coming from the big-box corporate conglomerate entities.

Toxicity is not only a personal issue within one’s own home.  Urban density creates unconscionable problems like the overpowering stench of fabric softener in the air from neighbors' laundry (read the small print warning label on the container).  It comes from neighbors' second hand cigarette smoke.  And some of the worst toxicity comes  from the worst of the available for purchase insect and weed sprays neighbors use which should be  outlawed and inaccessible, but worse which the city also uses, periodically, without warning - even though there are non-toxic alternatives available. 

When you want to quietly sit out in your yard in the evening to enjoy whatever - the garden, the birds, a beautiful sunset to end the day in a good way - what do you do when the stench of second-hand cigarette smoke invades your space from a neighbor on one side, and the overpowering stench of fabric softener from a neighbor's clothes drier invades your space from the other?  I go inside.  Then I go out later.  And then it is fabric softener chemicals in the air from a different neighbor, dogs barking incessantly from another, then the stench of weed spray used by another who dosed their yard.  And when this happens every evening, that prevents me from using my own yard.  I know other people have the same problem.  I don't compromise my neighbors' time outside with toxic stench full of chemicals, or with noise pollution.  I am not creating toxicity for my neighbors as a captive audience, and to that end I learned  how to use natural non-toxic, non-caustic ingredients to make my own insect deterrent, also weed eradicator though I usually pulling them out by the roots which is enough, easy, and non-toxic - plus good exercise!  These toxic neighbor sort of issues as I see it are a problem of not establishing personal standards which will be able to prevent compromising quality of life for oneself and everyone else.  But what do we all do to avoid the damage while others learn that lesson?  Maybe working to get policy established is our only recourse.

Want to get healthy and/or stay healthy by avoiding toxicity?  Read labels!  Pay attention to the warnings required by law.  They are there for a reason.  Become familiar with the damaging chemicals so that when you read labels without warnings and see the ingredients listed, you can avoid them.  There has been a lot of progress in the past few years because consumers are raising their standards and are not buying toxic products.  That is happening because people are educating themselves.  I have a huge amount of gratitude for the people who provide information on their websites and blogs.  I know enough by now to know what is and is not credible, but if it is new information or if I am not sure about the credibility I check additional resources.  I do have to say that for a resource to be trustworthy and of value, it is always best to provide access to sources of information, or at least cite those sources. 

All of the toxicity I have mentioned creates toxicity in our bodies and the environment, for everyone, and that toxicity is cumulative over time, which shows up as medical conditions later in life, if not more immediately.   The people causing the problems are not paying  my medical bills or yours. And no one has right to create medical problems in others because of ignorance, laziness, and ill-intent.  Because once one is informed, whether or not they want to be, the damage one continues to do IS ill-intended, and can only be considered intentional.

It is probably evident that I have a sensitive sense of smell.  For a number of reasons, I have no doubt that I am chemically sensitive, although it has not been necessary to hang around at clinics and hospitals to get that confirmed.  I know.  That is enough.  It is usually only things that are chemically toxic that cause a problem.  Case in point,  I do not have a problem with the smell of latex paint even though information about it says it has some toxicity.  Enough ventilation is supposed to solve the problem.  But paint with fragrance?  Nope.  Not gonna happen in my house.  That is a total no-go!  One of my nearest neighbors hired someone to paint and the paint selected had fragrance in it. Worse the  person hired to paint washed the equipment in the 18” gravel strip between the two front doors of the two homes every day for a week which added up to a lot of stench!  That nasty overpowering strong lingering synthetic fragrance affected  me for months causing congestion and all the nastiness that comes from being congested, until the stench dissipated outside after approximately five months.  I felt so sad about the people who had moved into that house, particularly the children, who all had to endure that stench.

The owner of the same house provides insect and weed spray of the most toxic and damaging type to her renters which does damage with every breath until it eventually dissipates weeks later, of course permeating the house via  the front and back yard windows. when opened even just a small amount for fresh air; via  doors opened simply to go in and out.  You can’t tell me the same toxicity is not permeating their home also.  And the renters have young  children!  Yet the same people wonder why a child has a “cold” that hangs on for months and then is eventually treated like an allergy!   You can’t tell me the toxicity that effects me does not  damage their children and them in similar ways.  They simply and apparently do not know that, but worse neither does the owner of the property, nor the property management company she hires so she does not have to do the work of taking responsibility for the property and her tenants.  But that does not absolve her of the responsibility for damage done when problems arise.

It is evident how public and environmental health hazards and issues develop.  For example where is the oversight that prevents property managers from using toxic products on rental properties and from supplying the renters with toxic weed and insect sprays to use?  Where is the owner's responsibility to require the property managers to not use toxic products?  Is the fact that they use and supply toxic products simply another matter of ghetto victimization on the part of the property management company, or the owner, or both?  “We don’t live there so we don’t care about the effects on you and your neighbors or the community.  We will  do what looks good on paper, but is damaging to you because of the toxic products we provide to you and use on your property.”  It certainly seems to be the attitude and  the problem, because, that is exactly the effect these things have on residents, neighbors, and entire neighborhoods, particularly when they are high density neighborhoods (small lots, large homes).

I am so over and done with that type of toxic abuse that so many people do not even realize they  perpetrate on themselves and their children, even on entire communities - like when the stench of, and chemicals in insect and weed sprays used by the city, regionally, hangs heavy in the air but residents have not even been forewarned about the spraying schedule, so they can plan their own schedules around it.  For example, if your area is being sprayed then at least you should able to plan around those days when the air is heavy with the toxicity.  We need to know to be able to schedule caring for yard and garden and doing outside maintenance at another time so as not to be outside that day - or the next several days while the toxicity remains heavy in the air. 

But scheduling does not solve the toxicity problem. We all need to get busy ranting at those responsible in the city when our cities are not willing to use non-toxic products that do no harm to people and the environment. How can environmental health departments be trusted to handle public health issues if they have no interest in regulating against the use of toxic products people use in their yards that also effect others in their neighborhood?  How can they be trusted when they do not even inform people they will spraying toxic spray?  How can they be trusted  if they are not willing to replace regional toxic spraying  with non-toxic spraying?

Worst are the people who do not know the problems they are  perpetrating on their own children within their own homes.  Guaranteed if you do not care enough about your own health you are not going to care about what you do that creates ill health in others like making your children captive audience to second hand cigarette smoke and the toxicity in products you use and use on them.  Take some personal responsibility,  people.  If not for yourselves and  your community, then at least for your children.

I do my job of keeping my own home and yard, and my own body free of as much toxicity as possible from food and everything I bring into my home, and use outside in the yard.  So I also run my mouth about the need to get rid of toxicity in our water, air, food chain, household products, and personal products; also new furniture, building material, flooring because of the toxic out-gassing chemicals.  There are safe alternatives for all of these.  And if it is not possible to afford the more costly safe alternatives, which should not be more costly, then decent used items that are in good shape, clean or can be cleaned, would be a healthier choice than new, since the outgassing is no longer a problem.

I can not control what others choose to be so ignorant and uncaring enough about that they cause toxic damage to themselves and their families.  But I also will not provide a pass for that same ill-intended damage people do to others, including me.  When we have been told about toxicity problems but refuse to confirm for ourselves, then we can not claim ignorance as an excuse, only ill-intent.  And is that what any of us really want to do - claim ill-intent? 

I absolutely refuse to be accountable for, responsible for, or pay for in any way, the damage others continue to choose to do to themselves, their communities, and their households, particularly to the youngest, less-abled and the most vulnerable who have less choice and less effective voices when they try to communicate discomfort.  For example, got children with behavior problems that are only getting worse?  Then if you are caring decent parents you had better start looking for toxicity in your environment and the food you eat and provide for your children, because if toxicity is the problem it will only become worse over time when not heeded.  It will eventually develop into persistent health problems.  Persistent behavior problems are very likely to have an underlying health cause, particularly when nothing can be done about persistent sniffles that are relegated to allergies.  I guarantee allergies are no laughing matter.  Not only are they uncomfortable, they cause misery that makes it difficult to function.  Although there are a number of suspected causes of aplastic anemia, including toxicity, it is also suspected to develop as an extreme allergic reaction - probably to toxicity.  It is extremely tragic, traumatic, and enduringly sad for individuals in a family and extended family to summon up the courage to withstand a loved one's ongoing suffering for years, in so many ways, from aplastic anemia - guaranteed.

Stop being lazy and uncaring.  Read the labels!  Learn about what is toxic and needs to be avoided in everything you bring into your homes and immediate environments, including at work.   Use products that are non-toxic and also do not harm the environment.  They exist.  And make sure your city, county, and state are establishing policies that outlaw the use of toxic products known to be damaging.  And I repeat, because it deserves to be repeated, after you are informed whether or not you want to be, the damage you continue to do then becomes ill-intended, your problem, and your karma to resolve - no one else's.

I believe I owe it to myself and everyone else to do what is possible for me to do to make life better for all.  No matter how insignificant it may seem to others, or myself, I know, and everyone needs to know, that what everyone does to make a good difference, it has a far reaching effect - no matter how insignificant it might seem to anyone else.  If you have no other reason for existing of which you are consciously aware, then start with that reason and add to it as you develop knowledge, skill, talent, and discover your innate gifts and how to use them all to benefit others and yourself without doing harm.   Choose to be a responsible enabler of quality of life for yourself and everyone else rather than a disabler of it.  It is not always easy, but it is always a rewarding experience to be of service to others in all the ways you choose to be when you are able to be.  You will never regret it.

14 February 2019

Demanding Sacrifice is a Crime

Ever get tired of people trying to blame you for "stuff"  you did not say or do, and know nothing about?  I have had a serious overdose of that sh_t and the abusers who thrive on it. 

The insistent people who want to claim ownership and control of others so they can blame them, simply do not have the apparent ability to understand the word "NO", no matter how often and emphatically it is stated.  How can such folks be convinced they need to cease and desist from what has become clear is intentional ill-intended active scapegoating?  Too often the scapegoating is intended to be fatal to whomever the ill-intended want to target, especially when the intended scapegoat does not cooperate.  It is true.  The worst of these folks do not "play nice", in reality.

Reporting crimes and demanding those who perpetrate them be prosecuted is a good start, even when those crimes may not yet have escalated past being libel and slander.  Escalation will occur because of those who believe the false realities the ill-intended are hard at work trying to create - to avoid taking responsibility for their own words and actions.  Sometimes the effort is because individuals do not know the origin of the problem, and feel compelled to blame anyone who could circumstantially be implicated as a potential culprit i.e. "innocent by-stander" or "guilty by association" type of blame.

Whatever the motivation, the crimes of libel and slander will create increasing damage until the targeted entity becomes aware of having been targeted.  Sometimes that is not for decades.  So of course that creates a problem with reporting the crimes.  Sometimes the fatal or near fatal damage it does is not anything that is known by the targeted scapegoat as being associated with past libel and slander - of course to include  "harmless gossip"; even "family gossip" which can be some of the most harmful  because it almost always requires taking of sides, even creating rifts in families about which a scapegoated person has little or no knowledge.

Words can do a lot worse than cause discomfort for others and oneself.  And so many speak carelessly out of anger - in the "monkey see monkey do" mode, or in undeserved immature retributive vengefulness - regardless of age which unfortunately can not always be depended on to minimize immature adolescent type problems and attitudes.  To be firm, including with deserved ire delivered as kindly as possible, about refusing unjust blame and putting it back on those who are assigning bogus blame, is not the same.  Well intended people ordinarily know the difference even when they do not know enough facts about a situation or an issue - whatever the issue may be - to understand it well. 

Those who do the intentional worst damage with words display an ego problem which leads them to believe that pertinent facts about which they are unaware, are irrelevant when those facts interfere with their own "sacred ignorance".  And that ignorance, in turn, is often greased with perks from 3rd party would-be abusers; though, if not, ordinarily ignorance has lead to an assumption their own pronouncements are too infallibly accurate to warrant further discussion. Anyone who wants to silence others willing to engage in needed discussion and debate, is almost always afflicted with one or both of these "reasons" associated with sacred ignorance.

I will never accept assigned blame for what I did not say and did not do  - never.  The ill-intended who play that game are engaging in libel and/or slander.   And I will also never assign blame to others, instead, for what I have chosen to say and do - never.  To try to do so is a matter of demanding someone else’s sacrifice - a matter of trying to blame those who should not be blamed. 

Those who try to put undeserved blame onto others are demanding sacrifice from others.

Those who want to demand “sacrifice”, from anyone, clearly do not know the meaning of “sacrifice”.  Sacrifice is not something someone else asks, determines, demands, mandates, threatens, forces, or extorts.  It simply is not.  Sacrifice is something that is done voluntarily out of compassion, empathy, and love.  It is  NOT something that comes from fear, manipulation, blame, threats, or force - not even something that comes from duty or obligation which later demands a “sacrifice” for what was done out of duty and obligation.  Any and all of those demands for sacrifice, when applied, are crimes committed against those from whom “sacrifice” is being demanded by the ill-intended and spiritually unevolved 

Sacrificing is actually a highly valued act of loving gift giving.  Saying so seems  something of an oxymoron because, unless it is an observed action in place and time, many of the sacrifices people actually choose to make are never known by anyone else.

Those who want to take, or manipulatively force another to give, then callously label and discount it as someone else’s sacrifice, commit a crime when they take what they want and label it in that way - as someone else’s sacrifice.  That crime deprives people from extending the generosity of gifting what they actually might have otherwise gifted at a time that was right for them when it did not compromise their health - or life sometimes to near fatality.

I would even go so far as to say that anyone who does not actually recognize sacrifice without it being something demanded of someone else, really has no idea what sacrifice means, and can only be identified as a an ill-intended criminal user and abuser of others.  Anyone who does not understand this statement very likely is privileged to have never, knowingly, been on the receiving end of endless seeming long-term unwarranted damaging blame.  The exception is anyone who has been confronted with unwarranted obstacles and limits in their lives when they are honest people of integrity who intend no harm to others.  Such folks perhaps should wonder what unwarranted blame might have been used to attack them - without their knowledge.

03 February 2019

"An Earthquake in Federal Civil Rights Law"

Ruth Bader Ginsberg was right about Burwell v. Hobby Lobby - of course.
The path of Wednesday’s decision began when Miracle Hill Ministries, a Christian foster care agency, refused to work with multiple applicants who did not share its beliefs. Miracle Hill turned away a Jewish woman eager to mentor children in foster care because she was not Christian. It also rejected same-sex couples because their sexual orientation did not align with its religious values. In response, the South Carolina Department of Social Services warned Miracle Hill that it could lose its license if it "intends to refuse to provide its services . . . to families who are not specifically Christians from a Protestant denomination."
The above quote is from a 24 January 2019 article at Slate.com. The headline of the article  is misleading.  But do not let that stop you from reading the article.  It is  not long.  And it succinctly describes the back and forth which precipitated from the discrimination, up to the exemption determination.  Based on what the foster care agency said, it does not appear to be religious discrimination against only Jews, as the headline suggests - but more precisely it is discrimination against all people who are NOT Christian, and also non-Protestant Christians.  Big difference.  However, very clearly it IS religious discrimination.  And it is double discrimination against same-sex couples  because their sexual orientation "did not align with the agencies religious values", even if the couples are Christian. 

Being federally funded Miracle Hill is . . . was . . .  prohibited from discriminating.  In the past agencies and families have tried to honor preferences of adopting parents and of a living parent or guardian of a child.  They probably still do. I do not know if that occurs with fostering.  It does not seem to have been the issue at Miracle Hill.

Read the short article.  The spoiler is that even with an executive order from the Governor of South Carolina, Miracle Hill needed a federal exemption and "on Wednesday, Wagner granted the request in a four-page letter that amounts to an earthquake in federal civil rights law." 

Essentially, the letter apparently grants Miracle Hill the right to not "partner with certain potential foster parents because of Miracle Hill's religious beliefs".  

There are links in the article to the many supporting documents for those who value the pertinent facts and want to understand the big picture into which the Miracle Hill Ministries foster care agency decision fits. 

The last paragraph on page three states the determination that was made the last week in January of this year:
After reviewing all of the information you have provided, we have determined that requiring your subgrantee Miracle Hill to comply with the religious non-discrimination provision of 45 CFR 75.300(c) would cause a burden to religious beliefs that is unacceptable under the RFRA. While this determination is sufficient to require the granting of your request for an exception from such provision of the regulation, we also note that the application of the regulatory requirement would also cause a significant programmatic burden for the SC Foster Care Program by impeding the placement of children into foster care.
I suggest that anyone with family and friends who are same-sex partners, or whose religion is NOT Christian, may want to be concerned about the request for exception.  However, it is not only about adoption, or same-sex couples, or non-Christian religions.  Like the Slate.com article states "The grim future that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg foresaw in Hobby Lobby has arrived" (re: Ginsberg's famous dissent about the infamous and notorious Burwell v. Hobby Lobby  supreme court ruling allowing discrimination that convoluted an anti-discrimination law). 

The tally of allowed discrimination started with contraceptive coverage - for women.  Now it is up to three, with same-sex couples and non-Christians having been added recently -  a subset of non-Protestant Christians also having been specified . . . which more or less tallies up to four.  Those four, alone, already cover too much ground.  Who, and what next?

27 January 2019

Rape Is a Terroist Act and It Is Not Only Physical

Haven't been raped?  Want to know what rape feels like?  Of course you don't.  No one does.  But instead of wanting to blame the victim why not briefly lend an ear?  The sorrow of the reality of the outcome is not actually foreign to many - perhaps even to most.  And words can not fully convey the actuality of having been violated in that way, or any other damaging way for that matter.  But for anyone who cares words can provide insight. 

Rape is an absence of consent.  But there are degrees of rape, from the bumbling adolescent who has no idea of the harm which will result, to the full blown terrorist intent of a psychotic narcissist for whom a fatal outcome is meaningless.  At its worst it is designed to instill fear, dread, and hate in one's soul as the effort that it is to take ownership of and control of the soul of the intended victim.  In fact rape is not always directly physical.  But when a rapist can get physical or indirect physical access it is one of the easiest ways to try to own and control the soul of another.

Consider that you have an agreement with a friend, then the so-called friend decides, without any discussion whatsoever, to change the trajectory of your "friendship" in damaging, dangerous ways, and by so doing violates that agreement because of acquiescing to a request of someone else who wants to own and control you in unwarranted ways without your permission. In doing so the "friend" who has become untrustworthy, dangerously violates the mutual agreement you had as supposed friends, in life-threatening ways to the point of there no longer being a friendship that remains to be salvaged. 

The ol' "I-know-best-about-everything-all-the-time-including-how-you-need-to-live-your-life-and-I have-the-right-to-mold-you-into-anything-I-choose-for-you-to-be" does not fly with me.  And no one else should be buying into that for themselves or anyone else, either.  If you believe you do not know yourself better and worse then anyone else and believe you do not have the right to make yourself into who you need to be, then you have a lot of work to do to discover exactly who you are and what your purpose is, before you are fully capable of understanding other people with experiences different than your own.

When you have said "no" . . . no a thousand times . . . . to being used and abused by a would-be owner of yourself to whom your "friend" has acquiesced and decided to say yes,  on your behalf, and it once again allows that would-be owner to damagingly use and abuse you in life threatening ways ***without your consent*** and supposedly without your knowledge, then you have a right - no you have an obligation - to refuse to participate in endless mindless bickering and disagreement with the person who imagined it was o.k. to represent you, and to violate the mutual agreement.  In international intrigue it is considered treason, and everyone knows the penalty for treason.  Given that, consider what the penalty should be when it is between people instead of nations or ideologies.   

Is actual and virtual rape the story of everyone's ex?  Maybe, maybe not.  But it is not only an ex who creates the unconscionable realities of rape.

Fact is any so-called "friend" like the one described deserves to be ghosted by you as the best you have to offer instead of what is deserved from you which is much worse than ghosting.  Is ghosting better than all-out war which damages everyone else too?  I suggest it is the most merciful and compassionate choice.  What about the would-be user abuser owner trying to access and lay claim to you, who manipulated the so-called friend?  That filthy scum masquerading as a human being deserves to be totally relegated  to the "dangerous-enemy-who-is-never-again-allowed-access-directly-or-indirectly" pile of trash which needs disposing of in your life. 

Those types of people do not belong in your life, you do not belong in theirs, and they damned well better get out of your way and stay out of it if they know what is good for them.  It really is that simple.  If there is any doubt then err on the side of caution, and just say "no" because those types will always try to scapegoat you to avoid responsibility for the damage they have done and want to continue doing.  They will blame you for all misfortune they can identify.  They will even try to  blame you for their illnesses and foist their medical conditions on you when nothing you have done is the cause.  They simply can not be trusted - and sometimes you are the only one who knows the extent of their ill-intent which magnifies the intensity of the violation.  Like I said the intent is to terrorize.

None of us should be expected to more fiercely defend others than we can and will defend ourselves, even though we often do.  Consider, however, that self-defense is the first line of defense against damage to all whom you love - and you can take that to the bank.  When you are violated so too is everyone in your life, in unwarranted ways - and it is not your fault, but those in your life will want to blame you.  If you have an answer - and having been violated is an answer - then you need to provide it.  Only violators will want to prevent you from providing answers.  And you can take all that to the bank too.

That type of damage to oneself and those in one's life, is exactly why it is necessary to push for justice when not only crimes but ethical violations are committed against us, even if we are willing to let it be and move on without being determined to continue making an incident of a violation until it is resolved.  We need to do what is necessary to protect ourselves, because in doing so we are also protecting everyone in our lives - especially the most vulnerable and innocent.

05 January 2019

"Inappropriate for Someone in Her Position"

Oh, for God's sake!  "Inappropriate for someone in her position."  Really?  Is the media really wanting to jump on that bandwagon?  Can detractors lying-in-wait become any more picayunish.  Want picayunish?  Just for fun, I'm going to share my brand of picayunish.  Stop reading if you do not enjoy getting your knickers in a twist because you are not interested in an alternate viewpoint.

Sure.  Many would agree with "inappropriate for someone in her position" being said about Congresswoman Rashid Tlaib's comment that is all over the airwaves.  So do I.  But her comment which has permeated the media as "news" is not the actual issue is it.  News?  Really, that is considered news? 

How about detractors shadow all the other members of congress too, especially the newest, focusing on women, hoping and praying they are going to say something publicly - anything - that can be observed, criticized, then sold to the media and held up for public disapproval in an effort to prove they are terrible people?  How about it? Those doing the shadowing would actually be news, right? Imagine how much vulgarity from how many people that would actually put on exhibit.  Really - imagine it.  

But don’t lets have that deter anyone from understanding that the purpose of focusing on Congresswoman Tlaib is because she is Palestinian.  Who does not know that is what has invited focusing by the ill-intended on her, first, specifically . . .  to also include her parenting skills about which the media doing the reporting knows nothing?  Start keeping score and it will become clear.  I've been keeping score on that issue for a very long time.

Why do I say this?  One reason, for those who do not know, many comments on Rashida Tlaib's Instagram photo of her thobe are ill-intended nastiness associated with the ethnicity of her nation of origin.  In one of the two photos I looked at on her Instagram there is also a death threat.  And that was before she said anything publicly after she was sworn in!  Let that sink in.  Just let it.   We all know it was not her constituency being vicious - either her immediate constituency, or her worldwide constituents in spirit who ARE celebrating the opportunity and potential of her position in American government for any number of reasons, like . . . . she is a woman, a mother, younger than elderly, a first generation American immigrant, a Muslim, of Palestinian heritage, and tada!! - an American who wants the best for the nation of Americans she has been elected to serve. 

Like anyone else who has immigrated she is proud of her heritage both old and new.  But are we supposed to have no regard for the deserved celebrating and instead allow ourselves to be redirected by the organized effort to verbally undermine and interfere with the work she is there to do on our behalf before she even gets started? Apparently so if one is part of the organized effort to denigrate her.  And let's not forget to criticize based on "guilt by association" too, right? It is always a favorite of rabble rousers.  Yes, my own sarcasm at times is not always appropriate.  I get it, really I do.  But I am not being paid to denigrate anyone.

Will Rashida live up to the hopes and dreams of everyone celebrating her elected position?  Of course not. Neither will anyone else.  But lest we forget, fact is that the results of teamwork are rarely if ever going to be 100% acceptable to anyone. And Congress is, contrary to popular opinions and members with control issues, all about teamwork - not who is competing to be recognized as having powerful influence by teaming up with the like-minded to employ manipulative dirty tricks to successfully superimpose on other members and a naive public.  But the issues here, manifesting as problems, are not actually about Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib are they?  We all know that.  Stop trying to scapegoat her.  She deserves better.

Personally, I am not enthused about the self-defining label of "progressive" any of our Congress people like to employ to try to elevate themselves as having more far-reaching trustworthy foresight.  I am even less enthused about the label "social democrat".  In the first place what is wrong with the Democratic party that has reduced it to being used and abused by those who want to transform it into the party they should be creating for themselves, instead of trying to take over the Democratic party?  The same could be said for the outliers within the Republican party especially those who seem to want to create a theocracy based on the holier-than-thou perspectives they are dedicated to superimposing - superimposing as unwritten s.o.p.  based on their evident selection of primarily two unconstitutionally specified religions used to try to justify their political views.  We saw the results of all that corrupt extremism within and outside of both parties in the most recent selection process leading to the presidential election didn't we?

Want a viable third party, or more, in America? Then work at creating one instead of vampirizing one that exists.  Oh, yeah - I forgot it takes time and patience, and then it would not be possible to get elected if not supported by one or the other of the two major parties.  So what then . . .  parasitically invade a political party that already exists and transform it into the one you can not get enough public support to create? Apparently, so.  Yes . . .  my own inappropriate sarcasm, again.  I get it.  I really do.  The seemingly infinite amount of corrupt political nonsense could try the patience of a saint - but I am not one.  And I am also not being paid to represent and serve my fellow citizens.

Additionally, if anyone has not noticed, the extreme liberal left and extreme conservative right, are not big on public good manners and etiquette - across the board.  Not having been exposed to much of the extreme right I can only speak from experience about the extreme left - my personal subjective experience.  And it is not pleasant. 

What I can say from experience, not only observation, is that the extreme left, and too often their left-leaning supporters, also,  prefer shock and awe tactics along with vicious undeserved criticism and guilt tripping about what they know little or nothing about from personal experience.  And it is mostly based on jumping to unwarranted conclusions instead of a more comprehensive objective non-judgmental perspective, since it is based on hearsay rather than personal knowledge "from the horse's mouth".  Because . . .  don't forget, when determined to brutally impress upon everyone that they know-it-all, these folks believe they are entitled to be allowed to prove they do, regardless of actuality.  Forget about what "others" have to share that is of value related to the entire cause and effect chaotic situations which have resulted in problems that need solving.  As if folks who do not share one's political perspective have not been there, done that 10 times over; as if they should  be marginalized because of an erroneous belief on the part of the extreme and their personal supporters that  others have not been paying attention and do not also know what has been going on,  as well or better in some cases.

At issue, of course, is the matter of not being able to solve problems on the level at which they were created.  That means problem solvers must rise above that level - must have both the desire and ability to do so.  Those who are elected and appointed to government are supposed to be problem-solvers on behalf of all of us.  But having a collective strong tendency to be in-your-face rude and obnoxious as a favorite form of communicating one's wishes, because of an apparent strong desire to be recognized as being in control, is not rising above that level.  As I see it that is one of the worst major failings of so many who place themselves on the extreme left of the political spectrum, no matter their age or gender, that being how they choose to  behave with those to whom they believe they are superior - like know-it-all, ill-mannered, entitled spoiled brat millennials, or pouting and glowering when they are being passive aggressive about it.   Is this just me expressing an opinion based on my own personal exposure to and experience with the juvenile antics of the seemingly permanent adolescent extreme political left?  Yes, partly it is - but not entirely.

Sorry millennials I know so many of you deserve better, but there is no denying that many of today's millennials who are coming of age and transcending into being responsible adults have been collectively more entitled than previous generations because of advantages provided to them by previous generations.  So goes life - it is nothing new under the sun, as a friend used to say. Even so it makes the spoiled brats among you - the rotten apples that spoil the barrel, so to speak - more unbearable than many spoiled brats of previous generations.  They are your generation's problem to handle as well as possible without losing sight of the character you are, hopefully, choosing to develop.

Fact is, most folks who are not dedicated to extremist tactics and strategies - i.e. politically reasonable liberals, conservatives, and  moderates - know a little something about good etiquette and the value of honest good manners, especially those folks elected to Congress whose work is fulfilled through effective teamwork.  Perhaps it is more fair to say the afore mentioned have not chosen to dispense with the good manners that were instilled in them at one point and have recognized their value.   Most seem to know that being diplomatic goes a whole lot further when trying to sway opinions which must be debated for a common core to be agreed upon, so that it can lead to an outcome of acceptable results.  Sure, everyone is tempted to do the "back at you" from time to time about what is without closure.  But, back at you is best served rare.  Most of the time it should not rise to the level of a bad habit, even though the ethically reprehensible refuse to acknowledge their ill-intent and it is clear they never will.  Because, without honestly and as kindly as possible finding a way to get the value of one's useful impressions across to those whose opinions one wants to sway, including those offenders whose evolution we may care about but refuse to be victim of, then the problem-solving value of what one has to offer for consideration remains uncommunicated.

Anything worth advocating for deserves to be effectively communicated in ways that do not employ excessive vicious criticizing.  Those who have moved past juvenile control issues realize that viciously criticizing opinions they want to assume others hold before those others state their opinions, is not an effective way to advocate for what they want from others, which is agreement without comment they like to demanded of those they consider to be less equal than themselves.  Point is, that without actually communicating effectively with those who do not respond well to ill-mannered efforts  - those efforts always being experienced as ill-intended - there is no moving forward and . . .  often no reelection.  Even members of Congress who are more enthusiastic about sharing their opinions via ill-conceived guilt tripping efforts often eventually feel the wrath of their constituents when those methods result in alienation rather than respect from other members of Congress.

Evolving into being more self-disciplined about embracing the ability to be respectably mannerly when communicating thoughts of value, goes a long way with the other members with whom one must engage in effective teamwork.  Anyone who does not know that has not been paying attention.  It can be noted in the value of proper procedure in both the House and the Senate, for the purpose of reinforcing functional teamwork.  Also note that proper procedure does not include arranging to have others lying-in-wait to record personal conversations intended to be taken out of context; intended to be sold to news outlets; intended to scapegoat select individuals for the purpose of denigrating them in an effort to devalue their valuable ideas and opinions before they have had an opportunity to contribute them.  It has more to do with those colluding in that offending way than it has to do with the person being shadowed who the offenders want to scapegoat.

Other new members of Congress have also been denigrated prior to them being on-the-job.  No matter how much some of the constituency cheers on what often comes across as the feigned innocence of naive boldness from those who are apparently pushing for control, advocating for what will work best to provide equal opportunity for all is what actually garners respect and instills trust in one's ability to serve.  That along with having and employing a sense of humor!  Push or advocate.  Push or advocate.  Push or advocate . . . that is the question.  Remember,  even when birthing a child one does not start pushing too soon, or the child dies a bornin', and sometimes the mother does too. 

Necessity is the mother of invention, no matter one's gender, age, and experiences.  Some refer to it as Yankee ingenuity.  As such, the only real advice I am actually able to offer about choosing to serve others, is to learn what is necessary then  move forward from there in appropriately respectful and respectable ways that are only intended to include rather than exclude.  And I must say, in parting, given my above stated opinions - if the shoe does not fit, then do not wear it!