 |
Rape is an absence of consent. But there are degrees of rape, from the bumbling adolescent who has no idea of the harm which will result, to the full blown terrorist intent of a psychotic narcissist for whom a fatal outcome is meaningless. At its worst it is designed to instill fear, dread, and hate in one's soul as the effort that it is to take ownership of and control of the soul of the intended victim. In fact rape is not always directly physical. But when a rapist can get physical or indirect physical access it is one of the easiest ways to try to own and control the soul of another.
Consider that you have an agreement with a friend, then the so-called friend decides, without any discussion whatsoever, to change the trajectory of your "friendship" in damaging, dangerous ways, and by so doing violates that agreement because of acquiescing to a request of someone else who wants to own and control you in unwarranted ways without your permission. In doing so the "friend" who has become untrustworthy, dangerously violates the mutual agreement you had as supposed friends, in life-threatening ways to the point of there no longer being a friendship that remains to be salvaged.
The ol' "I-know-best-about-everything-all-the-time-including-how-you-need-to-live-your-life-and-I have-the-right-to-mold-you-into-anything-I-choose-for-you-to-be" does not fly with me. And no one else should be buying into that for themselves or anyone else, either. If you believe you do not know yourself better and worse then anyone else and believe you do not have the right to make yourself into who you need to be, then you have a lot of work to do to discover exactly who you are and what your purpose is, before you are fully capable of understanding other people with experiences different than your own.
When you have said "no" . . . no a thousand times . . . . to being used and abused by a would-be owner of yourself to whom your "friend" has acquiesced and decided to say yes, on your behalf, and it once again allows that would-be owner to damagingly use and abuse you in life threatening ways ***without your consent*** and supposedly without your knowledge, then you have a right - no you have an obligation - to refuse to participate in endless mindless bickering and disagreement with the person who imagined it was o.k. to represent you, and to violate the mutual agreement. In international intrigue it is considered treason, and everyone knows the penalty for treason. Given that, consider what the penalty should be when it is between people instead of nations or ideologies.
Is actual and virtual rape the story of everyone's ex? Maybe, maybe not. But it is not only an ex who creates the unconscionable realities of rape.
Fact is any so-called "friend" like the one described deserves to be ghosted by you as the best you have to offer instead of what is deserved from you which is much worse than ghosting. Is ghosting better than all-out war which damages everyone else too? I suggest it is the most merciful and compassionate choice. What about the would-be user abuser owner trying to access and lay claim to you, who manipulated the so-called friend? That filthy scum masquerading as a human being deserves to be totally relegated to the "dangerous-enemy-who-is-never-again-allowed-access-directly-or-indirectly" pile of trash which needs disposing of in your life.
Those types of people do not belong in your life, you do not belong in theirs, and they damned well better get out of your way and stay out of it if they know what is good for them. It really is that simple. If there is any doubt then err on the side of caution, and just say "no" because those types will always try to scapegoat you to avoid responsibility for the damage they have done and want to continue doing. They will blame you for all misfortune they can identify. They will even try to blame you for their illnesses and foist their medical conditions on you when nothing you have done is the cause. They simply can not be trusted - and sometimes you are the only one who knows the extent of their ill-intent which magnifies the intensity of the violation. Like I said the intent is to terrorize.
None of us should be expected to more fiercely defend others than we can and will defend ourselves, even though we often do. Consider, however, that self-defense is the first line of defense against damage to all whom you love - and you can take that to the bank. When you are violated so too is everyone in your life, in unwarranted ways - and it is not your fault, but those in your life will want to blame you. If you have an answer - and having been violated is an answer - then you need to provide it. Only violators will want to prevent you from providing answers. And you can take all that to the bank too.
That type of damage to oneself and those in one's life, is exactly why it is necessary to push for justice when not only crimes but ethical violations are committed against us, even if we are willing to let it be and move on without being determined to continue making an incident of a violation until it is resolved. We need to do what is necessary to protect ourselves, because in doing so we are also protecting everyone in our lives - especially the most vulnerable and innocent.
