05 January 2019

"Inappropriate for Someone in Her Position"

Oh, for God's sake!  "Inappropriate for someone in her position."  Really?  Is the media really wanting to jump on that bandwagon?  Can detractors lying-in-wait become any more picayunish.  Want picayunish?  Just for fun, I'm going to share my brand of picayunish.  Stop reading if you do not enjoy getting your knickers in a twist because you are not interested in an alternate viewpoint.

Sure.  Many would agree with "inappropriate for someone in her position" being said about Congresswoman Rashid Tlaib's comment that is all over the airwaves.  So do I.  But her comment which has permeated the media as "news" is not the actual issue is it.  News?  Really, that is considered news? 

How about detractors shadow all the other members of congress too, especially the newest, focusing on women, hoping and praying they are going to say something publicly - anything - that can be observed, criticized, then sold to the media and held up for public disapproval in an effort to prove they are terrible people?  How about it? Those doing the shadowing would actually be news, right? Imagine how much vulgarity from how many people that would actually put on exhibit.  Really - imagine it.  

But don’t lets have that deter anyone from understanding that the purpose of focusing on Congresswoman Tlaib is because she is Palestinian.  Who does not know that is what has invited focusing by the ill-intended on her, first, specifically . . .  to also include her parenting skills about which the media doing the reporting knows nothing?  Start keeping score and it will become clear.  I've been keeping score on that issue for a very long time.

Why do I say this?  One reason, for those who do not know, many comments on Rashida Tlaib's Instagram photo of her thobe are ill-intended nastiness associated with the ethnicity of her nation of origin.  In one of the two photos I looked at on her Instagram there is also a death threat.  And that was before she said anything publicly after she was sworn in!  Let that sink in.  Just let it.   We all know it was not her constituency being vicious - either her immediate constituency, or her worldwide constituents in spirit who ARE celebrating the opportunity and potential of her position in American government for any number of reasons, like . . . . she is a woman, a mother, younger than elderly, a first generation American immigrant, a Muslim, of Palestinian heritage, and tada!! - an American who wants the best for the nation of Americans she has been elected to serve. 

Like anyone else who has immigrated she is proud of her heritage both old and new.  But are we supposed to have no regard for the deserved celebrating and instead allow ourselves to be redirected by the organized effort to verbally undermine and interfere with the work she is there to do on our behalf before she even gets started? Apparently so if one is part of the organized effort to denigrate her.  And let's not forget to criticize based on "guilt by association" too, right? It is always a favorite of rabble rousers.  Yes, my own sarcasm at times is not always appropriate.  I get it, really I do.  But I am not being paid to denigrate anyone.

Will Rashida live up to the hopes and dreams of everyone celebrating her elected position?  Of course not. Neither will anyone else.  But lest we forget, fact is that the results of teamwork are rarely if ever going to be 100% acceptable to anyone. And Congress is, contrary to popular opinions and members with control issues, all about teamwork - not who is competing to be recognized as having powerful influence by teaming up with the like-minded to employ manipulative dirty tricks to successfully superimpose on other members and a naive public.  But the issues here, manifesting as problems, are not actually about Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib are they?  We all know that.  Stop trying to scapegoat her.  She deserves better.

Personally, I am not enthused about the self-defining label of "progressive" any of our Congress people like to employ to try to elevate themselves as having more far-reaching trustworthy foresight.  I am even less enthused about the label "social democrat".  In the first place what is wrong with the Democratic party that has reduced it to being used and abused by those who want to transform it into the party they should be creating for themselves, instead of trying to take over the Democratic party?  The same could be said for the outliers within the Republican party especially those who seem to want to create a theocracy based on the holier-than-thou perspectives they are dedicated to superimposing - superimposing as unwritten s.o.p.  based on their evident selection of primarily two unconstitutionally specified religions used to try to justify their political views?  We saw the results of all that corrupt extremism of both parties in the most recent selection process leading to the presidential election didn't we?

Want a viable third party, or more, in America? Then work at creating one instead of vampirizing one that exists.  Oh, yeah - I forgot it takes time and patience, and then it would not be possible to get elected if not supported by one or the other of the two major parties.  So what then . . .  parasitically invade a political party that already exists and transform it into the one you can not get enough public support to create? Apparently, so.  Yes . . .  my own inappropriate sarcasm, again.  I get it.  I really do.  The seemingly infinite amount of corrupt political nonsense could try the patience of a saint - but I am not one.  And I am also not being paid to represent and serve my fellow citizens.

Additionally, if anyone has not noticed, the extreme liberal left and extreme conservative right, are not big on public good manners and etiquette - across the board.  Not having been exposed to much of the extreme right I can only speak from experience about the extreme left - my personal subjective experience.  And it is not pleasant. 

What I can say from experience, not only observation, is that the extreme left, and too often their left-leaning supporters, also,  prefer shock and awe tactics along with vicious undeserved criticism and guilt tripping about what they know little or nothing about from personal experience.  And it is mostly based on jumping to unwarranted conclusions instead of a more comprehensive objective non-judgmental perspective, since it is based on hearsay rather than personal knowledge "from the horse's mouth".  Because . . .  don't forget, when determined to brutally impress upon everyone that they know-it-all, these folks believe they are entitled to be allowed to prove they do, regardless of actuality.  Forget about what "others" have to share that is of value related to the entire cause and effect chaotic situations which have resulted in problems that need solving.  As if folks who do not share one's political perspective have not been there, done that 10 times over; as if they should  be marginalized because of an erroneous belief on the part of the extreme and their personal supporters that  others have not been paying attention and do not also know what has been going on,  as well or better in some cases.

At issue, of course, is the matter of not being able to solve problems on the level at which they were created.  That means problem solvers must rise above that level - must have both the desire and ability to do so.  Those who are elected and appointed to government are supposed to be problem-solvers on behalf of all of us.  But having a collective strong tendency to be in-your-face rude and obnoxious as a favorite form of communicating one's wishes, because of an apparent strong desire to be recognized as being in control, is not rising above that level.  As I see it that is one of the worst major failings of so many who place themselves on the extreme left of the political spectrum, no matter their age or gender, that being how they choose to  behave with those to whom they believe they are superior - like know-it-all, ill-mannered, entitled spoiled brat millennials, or pouting and glowering when they are being passive aggressive about it.   Is this just me expressing an opinion based on my own personal exposure to and experience with the juvenile antics of the seemingly permanent adolescent extreme political left?  Yes, partly it is - but not entirely.

Sorry millennials I know so many of you deserve better, but there is no denying that many of today's millennials who are coming of age and transcending into being responsible adults have been collectively more entitled than previous generations because of advantages provided to them by previous generations.  So goes life - it is nothing new under the sun, as a friend used to say. Even so it makes the spoiled brats among you - the rotten apples that spoil the barrel, so to speak - more unbearable than many spoiled brats of previous generations.  They are your generation's problem to handle as well as possible without losing sight of the character you are, hopefully, choosing to develop.

Fact is, most folks who are not dedicated to extremist tactics and strategies - i.e. politically reasonable liberals, conservatives, and  moderates - know a little something about good etiquette and the value of honest good manners, especially those folks elected to Congress whose work is fulfilled through effective teamwork.  Perhaps it is more fair to say the afore mentioned have not chosen to dispense with the good manners that were instilled in them at one point and have recognized their value.   Most seem to know that being diplomatic goes a whole lot further when trying to sway opinions which must be debated for a common core to be agreed upon, so that it can lead to an outcome of acceptable results.  Sure, everyone is tempted to do the "back at you" from time to time about what is without closure.  But, back at you is best served rare.  Most of the time it should not rise to the level of a bad habit, even though the ethically reprehensible refuse to acknowledge their ill-intent and it is clear they never will.  Because, without honestly and as kindly as possible finding a way to get the value of one's useful impressions across to those whose opinions one wants to sway, including those offenders whose evolution we may care about but refuse to be victim of, then the problem-solving value of what one has to offer for consideration remains uncommunicated.

Anything worth advocating for deserves to be effectively communicated in ways that do not employ excessive vicious criticizing.  Those who have moved past juvenile control issues realize that viciously criticizing opinions they want to assume others hold before those others state their opinions, is not an effective way to advocate for what they want from others, which is agreement without comment they like to demanded of those they consider to be less equal than themselves.  Point is, that without actually communicating effectively with those who do not respond well to ill-mannered efforts  - those efforts always being experienced as ill-intended - there is no moving forward and . . .  often no reelection.  Even members of Congress who are more enthusiastic about sharing their opinions via ill-conceived guilt tripping efforts often eventually feel the wrath of their constituents when those methods result in alienation rather than respect from other members of Congress.

Evolving into being more self-disciplined about embracing the ability to be respectably mannerly when communicating thoughts of value, goes a long way with the other members with whom one must engage in effective teamwork.  Anyone who does not know that has not been paying attention.  It can be noted in the value of proper procedure in both the House and the Senate, for the purpose of reinforcing functional teamwork.  Also note that proper procedure does not include arranging to have others lying-in-wait to record personal conversations intended to be taken out of context; intended to be sold to news outlets; intended to scapegoat select individuals for the purpose of denigrating them in an effort to devalue their valuable ideas and opinions before they have had an opportunity to contribute them.  It has more to do with those colluding in that offending way than it has to do with the person being shadowed who the offenders want to scapegoat.

Other new members of Congress have also been denigrated prior to them being on-the-job.  No matter how much some of the constituency cheers on what often comes across as the feigned innocence of naive boldness from those who are apparently pushing for control, advocating for what will work best to provide equal opportunity for all is what actually garners respect and instills trust in one's ability to serve.  That along with having and employing a sense of humor!  Push or advocate.  Push or advocate.  Push or advocate . . . that is the question.  Remember,  even when birthing a child one does not start pushing too soon, or the child dies a bornin', and sometimes the mother does too. 

Necessity is the mother of invention, no matter one's gender, age, and experiences.  Some refer to it as Yankee ingenuity.  As such, the only real advice I am actually able to offer about choosing to serve others, is to learn what is necessary then  move forward from there in appropriately respectful and respectable ways that are only intended to include rather than exclude.  And I must say, in parting, given my above stated opinions - if the shoe does not fit, then do not wear it!

31 December 2018

Narcissists and their Enablers: A Brief Comment

"These are the people who might not agree with or defend the narcissist, but who enable the narcissist by putting up with their behavior, or rescuing them or bailing them out of the catastrophes they manage to create. These are the people who say things like, 'She's your mother, you need to forgive her' or 'How can you abandon your husband when you know he has problems?' or, 'I give in to your sister to keep the peace.'" 
From an article on "The Little Shaman" blog:  The Narcissist's Enabler

Graphic, below, from: Do you have the 'D-factor'? Study finds psychopaths, narcissists, sadists and others all share a 'dark core' of humanity
"the dark core - from sadism to psychopathy and even spitefulness, the traits that show the more sinister sides of humanity all share a common ‘dark core.’ And, if you have one of these tendencies, you just might have some of the others, too"
The article, "The Narcissist's Enabler", not only points out how enablers exacerbate the problems narcissists create, but it also emphasizes the need for setting boundaries. Some of us muddled through childhood dominated by a narcissist (several when it is ancestral familial narcissism) and found our ways because we eventually did encounter loving environments and learned to finally and truly have real feelings and not deny our individuality.  And we learned to love - first experiencing the miracle of receiving, then projecting universal love as our own normal state of being.  (I am using the term "narcissism", throughout, to refer to the clinic term - Narcissistic Personality Disorder - NPD.) 

A lot of folks have had their long dormant ptsd triggered (as a result of past narcissistic abuse) because of the political climate, or their reaction to it, and/or the reactions of others to it. Some are recognizing narcissism and its evils for the first time.  It ain't pretty! 

Where there is one narcissist in a family, there are usually more.  Too often it is generational, or worse deeply ancestral thus more difficult to break the mold in one's own life, and to break obstructing ties that bind when they are predominately narcissistic.  The same is true of political network circles, political parties, and administrations.

Whether one has experienced narcissism in devastating personal form, or because of being politically aware of it, it is worth noting the problem that enablers are - hopefully to avoid becoming one rather than learning how to be one.  It is also worth noting that by it's very nature, the lowest form of manipulative politics is narcissistic. 

This is neither the first time nor the last that the prevailing political climate will be experienced by many as being narcissistic.  Regardless of which ever administration is current, narcissism in government runs rampant in the form of pervasive lobbying and foreign influence (both clandestine, and in-your-face-blatant and destructive).  And wherever corruption is found it is always an indicator that narcissism has taken hold and is obstructing intended functionality.

The sooner one recognizes having experienced life dominated by narcissism and is able to set functional boundaries to guard against narcissists (and to prevent becoming one), the happier, healthier and more successful life can become.